chaos_silk: (Why?)
If you are reading this, I assume you're curious about me. If I'm reading this, I need to skip over this part and down to the bottom where I keep a list of what I am currently working on.

That said, hello there, I am Chaos. I'm currently in my early-thirties. I'm female, asexual and currently happily married to a wonderful man. I like many things, which sometimes changes on what day of the week it is, but at the core of it I like dragons, fantasy and men who are in love with other men.

Despite my past self's claims, I write primarily gen fic, with a side of m/m every now and then. I tend to focus on the humorous side for short fic and then dive into the dark side of things for my longer works. I like exploring a variety of things, be it 'what would the characters do with this?' or 'what would have happened if x was different?' or even, in rare circumstances, 'what if x and x were really connected'.

My main fandoms are Arc the Lad and Final Fantasy VII. There are also a few I drift in and out of because I have no attention span and no motivation, but I always drift back to those two.

I am currently Chaos_Silk (CrimsonChaos) on AO3, FF.N and GaiaOnline. I am watching all three though I will admit that I am on gaia a bit more if not just to play dress-up.

Anyway, I tend to try not to describe myself and allow others to describe me instead, so if you want to know me better, just start talking, I promise I'll listen <3.

List of what I am currently working on/thinking of working on )

<3

May. 16th, 2024 10:49 am
chaos_silk: Heh (Default)
Nothing to see here, move along.

Shhhh )
chaos_silk: Heh (Default)
Hello to my future self, have you forgotten how to smile?



(It's a line from a song and it's been stuck in my head on repeat, leave me alone.)

I didn't finish this last year because of coworkers catching Covid which meant working a very stressful job fifteen+ days in a row while ~4 months pregnant. It fell to the wayside despite me having every intention of finishing it.

I think it's important to touch on what I have done, where I have been and what I want to do. Especially as we move into a new year.

I've spent 20+ years in fandom, I've seen the rise and fall of several sites, the birth of AO3 and will probably last through several more. I go where the fanfic is, fandom itself is not important to me.

It's also been an exciting year for me. I successfully gave birth, I had my first major surgery and had an organ removed. I've grown and changed as a person. My outlook on life has changed entirely thanks to my sprog.

So I am going to restart and finish what I began last year.

Let's start again from the top. )
chaos_silk: Oops (Oops)
Last time I posted I was 4 months pregnant and exhausted due to being short-staffed/overworked. Now my baby girl is exactly 1 week old today (born 7/13/22, 26 hours after being induced, almost 12 hours after my water was manually broken, and 2 hours after they decided to let me actually push) and I'm even more exhausted than I was two weeks ago, but in much better physical condition despite the stitches. I can bend over, I can sleep in whatever position I want, I can pick up more than 10 lbs, it's great!

I can't wait to introduce her to so many things. She's brand spanking new and everything is an experience for her. I am so excited to be able to introduce her to the world.

But I'm also terrified because of the changes going through the world, and terrified by what hasn't changed since I was also a cute little baby.

I've never outwardly spoken about it, but I survived multiple abduction attempts as a kid. Every single scenario they warn you about? -Hey little girl, want some candy? I've got a puppy in my van :D, want to see?, even the one with someone asking for directions and hey, can you take us there?- All of them happened to me as a kid. Someone tried to pick up my sister at our mailbox and my mom got a ticket for it because she was on the phone and not outside (no, seriously).

Stranger abductions are rare, but not if you're an adorable blonde haired, blue-eyed girl. People get gross, and I only see that now that I am older. My little girl inherited my hair and eyes. At least it looks like, but considering he was blonde as a child and I am blonde (sandy, but still blonde), her hair will likely stay. Every member of our direct lineage is blue-eyed, so the only real question is if she gets my green-gray-yellow w/central heterochromia or his boring blue.

It obviously worries me, but it worries me less than it did my mother (75% of the attempts I escaped from happened on military bases). I live in a community that I know just about everyone and the threat to my child is offset by the fact that if it happens, there is a larger amount of people who would fuck them up just for looking at her the wrong way.

But still, with everything that has gone wrong in the world, I am so worried about her future.
chaos_silk: Heh (Default)
S-word was said so everybody in the county is in the grocery store, both CSLs have covid which means me and the other manager have to cover. Hip-hip hooray.
chaos_silk: Heh (Default)
Break for stupid. (or is it brake for stupid? who knows).

Will edit with proper entry tomorrow.
chaos_silk: It will be ok (Trust Me)
Pretend I posted the right one the first time and didn't take a day to notice.

This is my story )
chaos_silk: It will be ok (Trust Me)
On footprints and fandom history. Sometimes to figure out where you're going, you have to remember where you've been.

I've been in fandom for 21 years. I've read and seen a lot of things. I've witnessed a lot of events. I remember when fanfiction.net had nc17 fics, I was on LiveJournal when strikethrough happened, I remember when AO3 was just starting out. I've seen the rise and fall of hundreds of fandoms. I've met and parted with a lot of people.

Sometimes it's nice to just sit back and reminisce. So for every day of January, I'm going to post an entry about a fandom or pairing or character that is/was important to me and my growth as a fanfic writer/reader/person.

Not a fic, unfortunately because some of them I've fallen out of love with, some I can't even stomach anymore. But it'll be something.

I'll try to go in chronological order, but you know me, time is made of squiggly lines I can't make sense of.

So let's start at the beginning.

Care to join me? )

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Chaos

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